this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
