I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
