I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
