I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
