she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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