Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
