If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
