it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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