I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I accidentally had phone sex last night
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
