I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
