After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
