TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We are all done wearing pants today
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
