She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
