how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
