Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
