We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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