There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
