I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
