so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
