i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize