i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
