So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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