I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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