Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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