if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
