Sober January is a disaster.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize