I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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