then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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