Plan B is the new Plan A
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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