Me. At least after what I've been through.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
