if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
