Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
