Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Randomize
