I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
