dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
