if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
