Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
