Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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