He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I met the friendliest cop last night
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
