Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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