how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
you had me at cake vodka
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
