That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
