I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize