Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
