Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
