oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
