Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
