So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
