STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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