you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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