She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
