I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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