It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
