you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize