and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
