She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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