if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize