Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
