So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You smell like stripper and shame
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize