my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
