Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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