Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
