there's paper in my vomit.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
