i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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