dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
