U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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