I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
