HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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