she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
