when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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