Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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