We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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