onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
